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If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most

Sometimes I wish I were you, just so I could be friends with me

Opinions are like assholes... Everyone's got one, and they stink

Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up too..
What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?

Women/Men who seek to be equal with men/women lack ambition

Time is what keeps things from happening all at once
Politicians prefer unarmed peasants
Eat healthy, exercise more, still die

I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it

Don't judge a man by his boxers, it's what's inside that counts

Buy land, they have quit making it!
I'm not an alcoholic. I am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings
There are some that are wise and others that are otherwise
The easiest way to avoid a hangover is to just stay drunk.

When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?

When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?

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